


The Protector Needed Protecting

by icequeen57



Category: Voltron: Defender of the Universe, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Voltron: Lion Voltron
Genre: Angst, Hurt Lance (Voltron), I dont know how to tag, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Magic, Sad, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Triggers, attempted suicide, blue lion cares about lance, head fuck, painful, protective lion, venting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:25:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9395633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icequeen57/pseuds/icequeen57
Summary: Lance is the jokester of team Voltron. He always has been but what his friends don't know is that he has a reason for the way he is. A bad one that he never wanted to tell anyone, but when a spell goes wrong he won’t have a choose. Can the paladins survive his mind or will it destroy Lance?





	1. The One With the Spell

It was just another day for Lance. He fought with Keith, laughed with Hunk and Pidge, spared with Shiro, and was reprimanded by Allura and Coran. It was business as usual or the blue paladin. At the moment, he was sitting in blue, who he'd nicknamed because it was easer than the name she had told him. Yeah, this moment was good and normal, or as normal as it could get when he had to protect the world in the middle of space. A fate he never asked for, one he never wanted. 

Lance signed. They were a lot more frequent then they used to be. As time went on they got worse. After every time, he almost died, or one of his friends, his new family, almost died they got worse. But he never told anyone. he never broke in front of them. What reason did they have to worry about him? He was the un one the one they made stupid jokes at bad times. He was good at that. Making people mad at him.

When they were focused on being mad at him they weren't sad, so they didn't think about their own battles. Shiro didn’t lose to his PTSD, Allura didn't lose to the grief for her father, Coran didn’t lose the loss of his friends and his lover (Lance was the onsly one who saw that Coran was in love with the king,) Pidge didn’t lose to the longing for her family, hunk didn’t lose to his homesickness, and Keith didn’t lose to his inhuman trait and loneliness. He made sure they didn’t lose. Because if they lost their individual battles, Voltron world be destroyed. He couldn’t let they happen. He was the leg of Voltron he had to stabilize Voltron. He had to make sure that they didn’t lose. He cared too much to see them fall, they were the family he'd always wanted. 

However, while he was protecting everyone no one was protecting him. He didn’t need them to. He was good at protecting everyone else and dealing with his own problems (the problems that meant anything) in silence. The only one that knew was blue. She loved him and she saw what he didn’t want anyone else to see. And blue never told a soul, how could she? He trusted her with this and she saw hoe it was breaking his heart. He hatted people worrying about him, but he loved to worry. And he did what he could, he let himself be the jester of the team, the joke.

The team worked that way, him protecting in silence and the team functioning as well as it could. until one mission. One stupid mission that destroyed the baLance between the paladins. 

It started when Allura received a distress call from a planet saying that the Galra were going to invade and they needed to help. Allura immediately agreed to help and then they were off. the planet wasn’t far by way of wormhole, and they all set out. The idea had been thrown out that it was a trap, an idea that Lance stood behind, but they went anyway on the off chance that it wasn’t. The five set out and they all separated to cover more ground once they landed. Lance and Keith in one group and Shiro, hunk, and Pidge in the other. They were in contact via their lions and were to report if they found any life forms on the planet. The ones who would have made the signal. So, they set out. But there were no lifeforms, it was an ambush, and Lance was the first to find them. Or rather they found him. 

"Mayday, Mayday! It’s a trap! The Galra are here!" Lance all but screamed as the Galra noticed them and started to shoot. Blue let out a roar and then a blast taking out most of the fleet. Keith came from the side and took the majority of what was left. 

Shiro yelled back "We're hit too, and Pidge is knocked out. we could use the help."

Lance said to Keith "Bro I got this, go help them, I'll finish and then meet you there."

"I'm on it," Keith said as he broke away and fought to help the rest of his team. 

That was the breaking point. After Keith left the battle stopped. Everything just stopped. Something wasn’t right, Lance looked toward where the shooting had been coming from and went toward it. Then he heard it, like a voice in the dark. "Poor little paladin all alone," like a whisper, but he didn’t recognize the voice. But it called to him. "They left you little paladin,” the more the voice spoke the more he forgot the world around him. It just started it blur. He got out of blue despite her protests, and began to walk toward the voice. "The protector is lost," it said.

He still began to walk until a voice cu through his helmet into his muddled mind. "Lance what's taking so long. Did you get sidetracked or just forget," Keith said mostly teasing. 

"Oh, shut up mullet," Lance said as he continued to walk. "something's here." To the rest on the rest of the team he sounded far off.

"Buddy you okay?" Hunk called nervously.

They didn’t get a response. After Lance didn’t show up after a while they began to move toward his coordinates. Shiro got there first and nearly had a panic attack at what he saw. It was Hagar. She had Lance walking to her like a dead man. She had him under a spell. Shit.

The next to arrive was Keith. Keith was in shock but still yelled "LANCE," with such terror it made the hair on Lance's neck stand up. He stopped, then he looked up his mind still foggy. Lance was waking up, and Hagar didn’t like that. She screamed and through a beam of light at him and the rest of the lions. 

Then they heard the yelling and the explosions.

Then the world around them went dark.

The four paladins woke up in a strange world. It was an endless space of shades of blue. It varied in shades of the night sky to that of the ocean. One of the darker shades reminded Keith of Lances eyes. He smiled slightly at the thought, wondering where the blue paladin was. "Lance would have liked it here," Keith thought. 

"He would," they agreed. Damn, Keith forgot they were so deeply intoned with his thoughts. The four of them were, but not with Lance, he never melded well with anyone but his lion. 

"That is very true paladin of Red," came the far-off voice. The four paladins jumped at the voice and jumped into defensive stances. However, it probability wouldn’t have worked as there was a space for Lance to fill. "oh my, paladins stand down I mean you no harm," the clearly feminine voice said in a calming manor. Then a figure appeared, a lion, strong and proud. Yet this lion was far different from a lion on earth or even that of the Lions of Voltron. This lion was very much alive, she was graceful in her steps and had a dark blue fur that shined despite the background. 

"Are you- are you Lance's lion?" Hunk asked timidly. 

"In a way, yes, yes I am. As you said I was the only one he ever melded with."

"But that would mean-," Keith was cut off.

"You all are in the mind of my paladin. Yes, you are. Who else would love blue as much?" She chuckled a bit. Then she looked sad. "I will de your guide while you are here. Wounding around in someone’s mind is very dangerous. I’m not going to have one of you step out of line and damage my pilot."

"What do you mean guide?"

"Oh, come now leader boy, I had faith in you. The spell will show you his mind. It was only supposed to trap only him here but you showed up. whatever it is I’m calling it fate." 

“How do you know that?" Keith asked her.

“I have known Hagar for many years. She may be all powerful but she always plays by the same rules and has the same tricks." Blue said in a flippant tone. 

“How the hell have you known her that long?" questioned Shiro somewhat angrily.

“That is a story for when you all can hear," she said her tone final. “Now while you are in Lance's head his life is gonna play like a movie. It might bother you but you need to watch. But understand that it is the past and you can’t change anything."

The paladins were still confused but then the memories started to play. They thought it wouldn’t be that informative. They had al ready seen his mind when they were training for Voltron. They knew his life so why was Blue so worried. 

The paladins didn’t know that they had only seen what Lance had wanted them to see and most of it was only half true or a complete lie.


	2. The One that Lays the Foundation

The first scene played for the paladins was one of Lance’s first memories. There was a woman with dark skin and long curly chocolate hair standing over a crib. She was humming a soft melody as the crib, or rather the baby inside the crib, started to cry. She then started to sing.

Arrorró mi niño, (Hush-a-bye my baby)

arrorró mi sol, (Hush-a-bye my sun)

arrorró pedazo, (Hush-a-bye oh piece)

de mi corazón. (of my heart.)

  
Este niño lindo (This pretty child)

ya quiere dormir; (Wants to sleep already)

háganle la cuna (Make him a cradle)

de rosa y jazmín. (of rose and jasmine.)  
  
  
Háganle la cama (Make him a bed)

en el toronjil, (On the lemon balm)

y en la cabecera (And at the head)

pónganle un jazmín (Put jasmine)

que con su fragancia (With its fragrance)

me lo haga dormir. (To put him to sleep for me.)

  
Arrorró mi niño, (Hush-a-bye my baby)

arrorró mi sol, (Hush-a-bye my sun)

arrorró pedazo, (Hush-a-bye oh piece)

de mi corazón. (of my heart.)

 

While she was singing, the paladins got to see the woman much closer. She was very beautiful with a soft smile and dark eyes. Then she moved and another small boy was now in view. He looked much like what a young Lance would look like. He had the same dark skin with dark eyes. Though his eyes looked more green and his hair was lighter then Lance’s but that didn’t mean anything. The boy looked no more than five or six. ‘Was that Lance, or was Lance the child in the crib?’ Keith looked toward the blue spirit for answers. However, she simply motioned back to the scene.

“Marco say high to your new little brother,” the woman prodded the child.

“But Mama,” she gave him a look “Hola Lance.” 

“Oh, mi hijo, it’ll be better.” The woman smiled. There was a crash as the scene ended.

 

_“Oh, my god,” Hunk whispered in shock._

_“Is there something wrong, Hunk?”_

_“I know, knew him. Marko was Lance’s brother. We grew up together. He and Lance were close.”_

_“What happened?” Pidge asked softly._

_“That is for the memories to say. Be patient.” Blue explained softly. Hunk looked at her with sad eyes, and she looked back her eyes saying that she knew more than he did. Then next scene began to play._

The paladins were in a dark room. They looked around and could make out a child’s bed with something on it. Then the door opened. It was the woman, the one the paladins believed was Lance’s mother. She walked into the room with a young boy behind her. He ran in front of her and jumped into the bed. The woman walked to the bed and laid down beside the child. she just sat with him and held him. It was storming outside the window. When the lightning flashed, the paladins could see bruises on the woman’s face. The more they looked the more damage they saw. As soon as Lance was about to fall asleep a door slammed. The women jumped up and ran to the doorway.

 Not long after, Marco came into the room and another girl a few years younger. She had light brown hair with soft waves. She had a lighter complexation then the boys but she also the dark eyes. They sat beside Lance while they heard their parents yelling; the children looked afraid as they listened. The paladins looked nervous.

_“What was that?” was the question on everyone’s mind._

 

The next scene then began to play. It showed Lance at school, probability in the first grade. They didn’t notice before but he was smaller than the other children. Lance was sitting on the swings looking at the playground. He just sat there by himself looking. He saw a girl as she arrived, and walked up to her. She was slightly bigger than the other kids but looked like a normal child. The girl had red hair and freckles. they moved together to stand in the grass tossing a ball in the air.

 The paladins assumed that Lance had had a crush on the girl but they soon saw that that wasn’t true. A group of kids came up to her in a pack of five or so and just stood there. She looked at them expectantly. The leader of the group nodded and the group spread out. Lance stood in front of the girl slightly and smiled cockily at the leader.

“Hey max. Are we doing this again today?” Lance asked.

The boys barely acknowledged him. 

Max looked at the girl, “My daddy tole me what yours did. He died because he was he wanted to. He didn’t care.” Still the girl didn’t say a thing so the boy continued. “He hated you and couldn’t figure out how to get rid of you so he got rid of himself.” Lance glanced at the girl before walking up to max and pushing him down, hard. The rest of max’s group yelled and moved to shove Lance. The girl was pushed from the group and when Lance realized this he smiled. Soon the entire group had Lance on the ground punching and kicking him.

Someone yelled “TEACHER” and the group scattered. 

The red headed girl came to look at Lance still laying on the ground. She had a sad look in her eyes. “Why? Lancelot why did you do that? You’re too smart to know that you’d lose.”

Lance looked at her and smiled despite the bruises “Oh Haley daily, if I didn’t they would fight you. You may win but you’d get hurt.”

“You won’t have to worry much longer.” She barely whispered; Lance didn’t seem to notice. They both smiled and she helped him off the ground. he laughed as they went in to the building.

_“What?” was the question on all the paladins’ minds._

_“The girl’s father had been in the army and committed suicide not long before this scene. But he was not a good man when he was alive. He was a drunk and almost never around. Not everyone can cope with war. Lance saw her one day being bullied for her hair and saw she wasn’t fighting back. Ever since he never left her alone outside.”_

_“Why didn’t we see that memory, why is he so small, why would he not just get a teacher?” Pidge’s questions going a mile a minute._

_“Ok, 1,” Blue said listing on the claws of her paw and cocking her him, “I can’t control the memories you see I’m just here to make sure you don’t wonder off and damage his head. 2: Lance is extremely smart, though not as much as you, and was moved up a grade thus being younger than the rest of the kids. And 3: he tried once, they then tried to get the him and girl expelled because that Max fellow was the son of the principal.”_

_She looked at them and sighed, she tried to protect Lance but how could she. She had let intruders into the fragile head of her paladin. Her Lance with the fake smile and the good heart. The rest of the scene began to play._

 

Lance’s brother and sister were walking home with Lance and Marco asked about the bruises on Lance’s hands and arms. “’ey hermano, you ok? I don’t remember seeing these this morning.” Marco glanced at his sister, and they both seemed worried. 

“It’s nothing.” Lance didn’t look at his siblings and began to run ahead.

“Lance wait for us,” the girl yelled. 

“Try and catch me, Marie. I bet you’re too lento.” Lance yelled as he ran to his house.

His siblings soon caught up and saw Lance go to his room. Marie and Marco looked at each other and began to speak in hushed voices. They didn’t know Lance was at the top of the stairs.

 “What are we gonna do. He’s getting beat almost every day by these kids. And don’t give me that look. If you try to help they might try to hurt you, too. I don’t know how much more you can take.” “But it’s Lance. He won’t fight back, it’s not his nature. If I can take dad, then I can take a bunch of kids.” He laughed.  

 

_The scene faded, and there was a pit in Shiro’s stomach. He had a bad feeling about the look on the kids’ faces, especially Lance’s._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone who read and commented on the first chapter. I loved reading them and that people had hope for this story. Please continue to give constructive criticism, I appreciate it. And of all i don't own anything.


	3. The One With the Truth, Maybe

Keith looked at Shiro questioningly. Shiro kept staring at Lance with a grave stare that he knew meant trouble. 

‘What’s going on Shiro? You looked like someone told you your lion died.” Keith inquired of his brother. 

“When I was a kid, my parents were foster parents, as you know. Well we had kids from bad families come in a lot. Some were runaways, some had parents die in the attacks, and some were orphans. Though some came from bad families. A lot of times you couldn’t tell which one, but if you’d pay attention you could tell which kids were abused. They all had this tell, they’d flinch and they’d be closed off a lot of times. Sometimes there would still be bruises.” 

“Why are you bringing this up now? What does any of that have to do with Lance?” Pidge asked all but yelling. She was worried about him; she was scared about what her leader was implying. 

“He’s my best friend, I would know if he was being hurt.” 

“Did you know him then? Did you know about this time in his life?” Shiro asked sadly. He’d come to think of the boy as his son or brother. It broke his heart to think something had hurt him. 

“No.” Hunk barley whispered. He had horror in his eyes.

The paladins stood in silence as they waited for the nest memory to play. Pidge and Hunk looked like they were about to cry, Shiro looked ashamed he never noticed, and Keith looked like someone had torn his heart out. 

“He used to scream himself awake from nightmares, or cry himself to sleep. He would go one for hours about his family, but he never mentioned his father. He talked about his mom and abuelita, and all his siblings, but never his father. Not in all the time I’ve known him.”

Hunk looked and the rest desperate for them to say something. He should have known that something was wrong. Lance used to get panic attacks due to explosions and when the fighting simulator became too real. When the fact that they were the last hope for the universe became too much. Lance didn’t know that Hunk had figured out that his best friend wasn’t okay, but what could he do. He had never felt so useless. When he had confronted he about it later he said it was a onetime thing. That it had never happened before. Though Hunk didn’t believe Lance, he didn’t examine Lance’s eyes to know that he was lying about more than that. Hunk didn’t notice that Lance always grabbed his wrists when he was upset, or there was a loud noise. 

No one noticed that when the fighting or the glares at Lance became too much he would grab his wrists. No one noticed that when the homesickness and the loneliness and the guilt began to eat away at him he would spend more time in his room than usual, or that he would tug at his sleeves. No one saw the darkness in his eyes that was protected by a fake smile and flirting. They didn’t see his insecurities and his doubt about being a paladin, or that he deserved blue.

“He would smile and laugh but it wouldn’t reach his eyes. I never thought it was anything like this, that it was this bad.” Shiro looked Blue. He felt the guilt of letting his team down again and he was afraid of what would happen if they kept watching Lance’s memories. 

“He flinched, he always flinched. We were always yelling and I never noticed. He always picked a fight with me, he never knew when to stop.” Keith was babbling.  
“Keith, you couldn’t-,” Shiro started trying to be calm. 

“I hit him once. I shoved him and he fell. it was after a fight and he was hurt and he picked a fight with me. I don’t know why he did but he just made me so mad and I knew he was hurt but I didn’t think and I hit him. It was only for a second but I saw him. He looked so scared the he got up and said ‘do you feel better.’” Keith was rambling and looking desperate. 

“Keith none of us knew. It’s not your fault.” Shiro said calmly. Me moved to put his hands on his shoulders but Blue beat him to it.

She stood in front of him and considered his eyes. “This is not your fault, red paladin. You knew what Lance wanted you to know. He didn’t do what he did to make you feel guilty or bad, he did it because he understands you. He understands you all. He knows you express your anger through physical aggression, and that if you don’t have an outlet for it you will fall apart or destroy yourself. I’ve seen it happen before, what it can do to one’s mind to lock everything in while being the protectors of the universe. I think he’s seen what happens when people fall apart and he doesn't want that to happen to any of you. He loves you all too much for that.” She was now looking at all the paladins. Pidge had tears stemming down her face, Hunk was crying with a small whimper now and again, Shiro was looking at his hands regretfully, and Keith was looking at Blue sadly. Maybe she was right. 

By the end of her speech she and Keith and ended up kneeling on the floor. She then stood up looked to the beginnings of the next scene. “I’m sorry, I cannot control what you see. I’m only here to keep you from doing irreversible damage to Lance’s psyche. There are something’s Lance has repressed that I fear he is now reliving. Though I also believe I am here to protect the lot of you from the darkness in Lance. The need to protect you is rooted so deep in his soul that he subconsciously does it. But again, I am sorry for what you are going to see.”

The paladins looked at each other with wary eyes. They all watched in fearful anticipation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I know this is kinda stupid but think it was a good experience to put in at this time. I believe that thing ave already been implied so that possible triggers could be avoided. I would also like to inform the readers that watch this story for updates that I will fry to do so at least once a week. however I don't know a specific time or day i will do so. I will update as often as possiabe. I hope you enjoy the story and I don't own anything


	4. The One With the Worst Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance’s life is not as it seems and most of Lance’s childhood secrets are let out. The paladins are left to deal with the new information, though they aren’t prepared for it. 
> 
> This whole chapter has trigger warning. There is homophobic language, abuse, implied self-harm, and panic attacks. You have been warned.

The paladins watched each other as the scene unfold before them, still reeling from the realization of Lance’s past. How cold they not have known. They had seen his head, they fought and almost died for each other, so could they not know.

A young version of Lance appeared, maybe nine of ten years old, with a giant smile on his face. He looked like the Lance they were used to. He was running around with a girl about a few years younger than him; she also looked like a copy of Lance. They were laughing and as she chased him around the park. She soon caught up to him and tackled him to the ground. 

“Ahora te tengo hermano mayor,” (I have you now big brother) the girl laughed as Lance let her pin him.

“Sofia, you know you need to speak _English,_ ” he reprimanded softly.  He was still laughing as the girl from before approached. She looked down at Lance and had her arms crossed tightly. “Sof, go to the swings for a minute, por favor,” Lance told his sister with a grim looked at the red head. Sofia looked at her brothers face and ran to the swings, she knew that look meant and it was nothing good.

“Was it Max again?” Lance asked the girl as he sat up. She nodded. “Haley, let me see your arm.” she shook her head violently and refused to look at Lance. He grabbed her shoulders and she kneeled in front on him. To someone on the outside it would like two friends telling secrets, but they couldn’t see her split lip that she was biting before, bruises on her face, or the tears on her cheeks. 

After she calmed down he asked again to see her wrists. Again, she refused. Lance grabbed her hand that were resting at her sides, and turned them. The paladins saw what he was so insisted as he rolled up her sleeves. She had several red lines where she had cut. They all looked at various stages of healing. Lance looked at them and kissed both of her wrists.

 She let out a wet laugh with no humor behind it. “You’re such a flirt.”

“Is there a problem with that?” some mirth was in his voice as he put them both down. 

“Not for you, Lancelot.” Her expression changed suddenly, “Promise me something.”

“Anything for my angel”

“Never get this low. Promise me you will never do this,” she was almost despite as she looked at him. 

“That’s a big promise, given where and how we live.” He looked away, “When in hell you have to do something to keep yourself from becoming the demons around you.” She grabbed his hands and stared into his eyes “I promise you angel.”

“Good, good.” Then they got up to find Sofia, and the scene faded.

 _“He certainly has a way with words I’ll give him that,” Pidge looked at the others and Hunk nodded._  

_“When he’s being serious he does. You should ask him about his poetry sometime.” A sad smile played on his lips. He knew this part. Lance still got nightmares about the girl and now he gets the full story; he never wanted them this way._

 A new scene began to play and it was Lance with Haley looking at the ocean. They were on the pier looking at the ocean. “Do you remember the promise I made you make, about the demons and angels?” she asked him.

“Like I could forget.” There was a smirk on his lips and concern in his eyes. 

“What would you do if I wasn’t around to keep it?”

“What do you mean, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“But if I did?”

Lance didn’t answer. He looked down at the water and breathed in the salty air. “That’s probability never going to happen. I’ll go before you do.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I think my father is going to kill my family, starting with me.”

“Lance…” she looked at him. “Is it because you like guys?”

His shoulders hunched up and he looked at her with fear in his eyes. He backed up from her and started to babble “What are you taking about? I don’t like, that’s insane and improper. I don’t, I can’t,” his breath was getting heavy. He kept backing up until he hit the ledge. He looked at the ocean behind him and gulped. 

Haley approached Lance carefully. “Come on Lancelot, it’s okay,” she said calmly.

“NO! No, it’s not. It’s not right and I’m not right. It’s evil, I’m evil. I’m a sin against god.” Lance was hyperventilating and slipped to his knees.  Haley came up to kneel in front of him and held him as he cried and tried to breath. “I’m a demon. Maybe it is my fault,” Lance mumbled into her shoulder. 

It broke his friends’ hearts to hear their friend say such things about himself. How did this happen, why did it happen? 

Haley took Lance’s face in her hands and made him look her in the eyes. “Lance Alejandra Leonardo McClain, you are the best person I know. If you ever say that again I will never speak to you again. Am I clear?” Lance nodded quickly and pushed back into her shoulder. She held him until he stopped crying. 

“Who told you all those things Lance?”

“Papá,” Lance whispered. “He said I was an abomination. He wants me to die for my sins. But he says things when he’s drunk, things he doesn’t mean.

“Did he mean it when he broke your arm, when he burned your stomach, or when he beat you into a coma from almost 2 days?” Lance retreated into himself more. “Lance I’m not saying this to hurt you. You need to tell someone. Your mom-”

“No! She can’t know. She thinks it stopped. She’s not as afraid anymore, besides the worry wouldn’t be good for her health,” Lance brushed her off.  

 “And what about your health? What happen if you get hurt and I can’t fix you. What are you gonna do then?” she asked desperately.

“What I’ve always done. I can take a hit.” He smiled and looked at the horizon. “You know now seems like a good moment for a joke.”

“No it’s not. You can if you want to.

“I better be getting home anyway,” he yawned.

“You take care Lancelot. Call me if it gets too bad.” Lance took off for home a second later.

When he got there he immediately knew something was wrong. The house was eerily quiet. That normally didn’t happen in a Latino house with 3 kids. Lance walked cautiously up to his house and opened the door. He walked in to seen blood in the entrance, and Lance’s blood ran cold.

He walked further into his house careful not to make a sound. He followed the blood into the living room to see his mother unconscious, his father passing in a drunken rage, and worst of all his older sister badly beaten. He froze. There was nothing for him to do he just stood there.

Then he reacted; ever in his 11 years had he felt so much rage towards his father.

He ran and jumped onto his father’s back and held on for dear life. His father flailed around disoriented and slammed Lance into a wall. The boy grunted and fell. He tried get his bearings until he was slammed into the floor and had a voice in his ear whispered “Just who I was looking for, you damn fag.”

Lance struggled to get up as he was slammed in to the ground once again. “you thought you could hide it. That you were a little demon against the will of god. You can’t you little bastard.”

Lance struggled to get but couldn’t. he couldn’t make himself get up to face his father as he started to beat him.  The last thing Lance remembered was his little sister screaming and the pressure on his neck.

  _Lance was almost killed. The paladins tried to understand what they saw. They could have lost Lance. If he had died they would never have known Lance, they never would have gotten the blue lion, never would have paladins of Voltron, and they would never have been a team. Hunk looked like he was going to collapse and he did as he slumped against Pidge and Shiro._

_Keith stood away from the group as he settled with this realization. He started scratching his arm, something he did when he was upset. Though sometimes he didn’t stop scratching, like it was soothing he had no control over. Lance could stop him though. Normally Keith could bolt before the itch got to bad. But Lance always found him, even when he didn’t want to be. Whenever Lance saw him he would get this look and just walk up to him. It was mainly the look, such concern and almost affection, that almost always made him stop. But the really bad times, that times that normally accompanied the heavy breathing that, Lance would walk up to him and put his hands-on Keith’s. his hands were always cool against Keith’s burning skin._

_This time Lance wasn’t there to stop him. He wasn’t there to make him feel safe and like he could be okay. It was like he belonged on the team, in his own skin, and as of late, in Lance’s arms. He didn’t have Lance, and he missed him, but the thought of never feeling that, or of never having the opportunity made him want to cry._

_While Shiro and Pidge were trying to help Hunk, and trying not to fall apart, Blue came up behind him. She placed her hands on his shoulders and turned him to look at her. His eyes were glassy with the tears for the blue paladin. She looked back intently, like she could see what was in his heart._

_“Why are you hurting so?”_

_“Why wouldn’t I be?” he barely whispered. “Why wouldn’t I be upset that I almost my Lance before I knew him?”_

_“Your Lance?”_

_“I mean- he is just Lance. He’s not mine. Just my friend. Why would he be mine?” Keith was babbling again. It must be a side effect of being in Lance’s head._

_“Why not?” she asked back. Keith didn’t have an answer. Anything he came up with fell thru and felt like a lie. He didn’t want to lie._

_“I am sorry you had to find out this way. Lance would have preferred if you all had never known about his past, but I feel this is good for him, and you. Lance is complicated but history doesn’t stop here, though I wish his hardship did.”_

_“It gets worse?” the though shook Pidge to the core as she asked._

_“Before it gets better I’m afraid. I’m sorry you must see it.”_

_The friends blue had playfully dubbed “_ Lance’s Space Family _” steeled themselves for what was about to happen, what they were going to see. Blue had a feeling it would destroy the image of her paladin that they all had in their heads and probability break their hearts, but she felt they would understand him better. Most of all she hoped they would understand how much he loved, and had done for them._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know lance keeps being hurt but I’m writing it anyway.  
> I don’t own anything. Though if you would comment another word or phrase to descried Hunk, Pidge, Keith, and Shiro as a group besides the ‘paladins’ I would love the input. Thank you for everyone who commented before and thank you for reading.


	5. The One With the Beginning of the Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my readers, I wanted to apologize of how late this is but things have been kinda crazy. I want to thank everyone who commented and gave a kudos I really enjoy seeing them and i love reading the suggestions. As always I don't own anything and I hope you liked it.

Lance woke up to the steady beeping of a heart monitor

 The insistent beeping that he just wanted to stop. He moves his arm to hit the alarm but he couldn't move. It felt dense and hard, almost like it wasn't his arm. He tried again and had more control but noticed wires stuck to his arms. The beeping started getting louder and faster and it was driving his crazy. He groaned and though he didn't want to tried to get up. He had to get up or he would be late and Marco would get in trouble.

 He moved his arms, though his body didn't feel like his own, and tried to sit up. The beeping got even faster as he opened his eyes and saw he wasn't in his room. The walls were white and had a picture of some bile flower. He looked around and went to get out of the bed. He moved his legs and pulled the wires and tubes until they fell out.  

He pulled them out slowly until the beeping became a long string of noise. He hurriedly yanked the rest out and moved. He has trouble walking as he heard footsteps coming for him. He didn't know where he was or what was going on but he knew he had to leave.  

He ran for the door but the knob turned so he went to the door next to it. He slammed the door shut and looked around. It was the bathroom. The door he went though behind him he saw another one across the room and went for it. He was in another room with 2 beds but they had children in it. One was a boy, older than Lance but younger than Marco. He lad short blonde hair and glasses. He smiled at Lance but looked wary.  

"Hey kid, are you the one causing so much trouble?"   

Lance move dot run again but he started to feel the pain in his throat. Almost like it was hard to breathe. He fell to his knees and just sat there while the boy on the bed started to get worried. He made a gasping noise. Lance looked up and saw the other kid he hadn't concisely acknowledged. He had black hair and violet eyes, though that were almost glaring at him.  

"Get out before I call my brother," that was definitely a growl.  

"You can try, you dumb mullet," Lance growled back as the older boy said "Don't be rude, Keith. Don't make me tell Shiro how you been acting."

The younger of the two retracted and looked down at his arm that Lance now realized was in a cast.  

The boys heard yelling in the hallway and Lance had regained his breath. He got up, making the others tense. The door opened and a young man walked in who looked about the same age as the blonde.  

"Did you two here that-" he cut off as Lance ran past him and shot down the hall. Lance didn't stop running. He heard people yelling behind him, telling him to stop, but he didn't. He kept focusing on the need to leave and go home.  

He made it to the lobby and almost to the door. Until security blocked him. Lance jumped out of the way when they tried to grab him and slid past men when they tried to make a scramble for him. He was outside and felt hard to breathe again.  

He ran to a park and knelt trying to catch his breath when a hand touched his shoulder. He spun around and crawled backwards as he stared up at the man he'd seen walk into the room with the 2 boys, in front of him with his hands in front of him.  He asked slowly is Lance was okay as if talking to a frightened animal.  But Lance fesses that it's that he looked like.  

The guy knelt to be eye level with the boy. He asked again and Lance nodded that he was fine but he didn't think the boy believed him. " I think you might be having an asthma attack. I have them sometimes. Do you?"

Lance franticly shook his head and moved to get up. "Okay just hold on a second before you run again, what's your name?"

Lance stubbornly kept his mouth shut. "Your bleeding kid, I'm trying to help. Do you know your name?"

Before he could answer Lance saw his brother and younger sister running toward them. "Marco," he gasped out, his voice scratchy and raw.  

"Marco, is that Your name?" The man asked before Sofia was yelling "STAY AWAY FROM HIM!"

The man jumped back startles and began to back away. 

“Hey I’m just trying to make sure he’s okay, who are you?”

Lance looked at the man and back to his seething sister. He froze for a minute and started to back away from them all. He was still having a hard time breathing. He stood up but was wobbly on his feet and almost crashed into the man. He was caught and set back on the ground gently and told to breath. Lance looked at the man, though he was blurry ad thought he recognized him but his vision got spots afterwards and he lost to the darkness.

* * *

 

Lance woke up again in the same room and felt that same terror. He was just was his sister why has he here now? He got up and looked to move but a hand was placed on his arm.  It was an older woman that looked old enough to be his grandma. She smiled softy at him and then turned. Lance looked to where she was looking and saw him mom sleeping with his little sister in his lap. He smiled at them and then looked at the women again. He was about to ask who she was when Marco walked through the door. He had a sandwich in his and was talking to a woman who looked like his mom.

“Tía, I just don’t know. I should have- Lance!” he rushed over to his bedside and grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug. The older women backed away a little and smiled at them.

The shout had startled both his mom and Sofía. They looked up and saw that Lance was awake and well. Sofia jumped up and moved to jump on Lance but was stopped by her mother, who walked them over a little slower and picked up Sofia and laid her next to Lance.

“Lance, Lance, Lance you’re okay” Sofia was starting to cry.

“It’s okay hermana, it’s okay. I’m okay, right?” he looked to his mother and smiled. They were all okay. He looked around the room and asked “Where’s Marie?” and like that the room fell silent and still. No, no, no, where was Marie?

Marco moved to hug both his siblings and began to let tears stream down his face. he looked at his mom and saw she was crying too. Lance started thrashing around, though it wasn’t that bad considering he had a high dosage of morphine in his system. The women Marco walked in with, came and picked up Sofia and moved her out of the way,

Lance said a soft “Get out.” Nobody moved. The he screamed “GET OUT.” Everyone filed out of the room until it was just Lance and his mom.

He looked at her and she sat beside him. She held him, and kissed the top of his head. He turned to her shoulder and cried.  Marie was dead. She was gone. Fredrick had killed her, and he tried to kill him. He cried. He should have gotten there earlier. Then she would be alive. Then his sister would be okay. He cried until he fell asleep.

_The paladins couldn't look away. They had never seen him break this much_


	6. The One With the New Beginning

_The next few scenes came in quick flashes._   

Lance out of the hospital, the funeral, his father’s trial, his testimony, another funeral, them moving away. Though they started to slow down when a heavyset dark skinned kid was being punched and beat by some of the other kids. 

 Lance looked one look at the scene and yelled at the main guy “Hey hot thing, why don't you try me on for a change?” The group turned and looked at Lance. They attacked him and Lance fended them off pretty well even though there were 4 of them. He had two of them on the ground when one got a lucky hit to Lance’s stomach. He went down and they all started pounding on him. 

 It ended with a man in a suit walking up to the scene and yelling “WHAT THE HELL?!” and the gang on boys froze and ran off. Hunk, who was now sitting up against a wall trying to get up. 

  “I could have handled it,” the boy the paladins recognized as Hunk, gasped out as he made it to his knees. 

 “Yeah okay, but I can take a punch better then you can. Have you seen my siblings?” Lance laughed and helped Hunk stand up. “Besides what are friends for,” Lance smiled at him. Hunk looked at him funnily and then moved to hug him. Lance froze before awkwardly patting his back. 

_Hunk smiled at the memory. It was one of their first good ones. That was the moment he knew he had a friend._

_“He was my first friend.” Hunk whispered. I moved there a month before and they never stopped picking on me.”_

_“Oh Hunk,” Pidge rubbed her hand on his arm._  
_“I barely knew him a week when this happened. He was a flirt and they didn’t like him either, but that didn’t stop him,” he let out a humorless laugh. Most of the people there weren’t homophobic, but there were a few. Hunk though Lance just scared them because he was different and didn’t care that he was. He was unapologetically himself._

_Though he was never really himself. The real him was reserved and loving and protecting._

_A lot of how he acted was for other people and not himself.  Hunk came to realize that not everything Lance did was because he was okay. He made living in the vastness of space bearable. He made a good distraction._

_Lance wore a mask that protected himself from people hurting him. He had walls around his heart that were protecting him from the world. Lance has worn his mask so long Hunk didn’t think Lance remembered who he was._   _Hunk knew that under all the laughing and the loudness that Lance was scared. Lance never acted scared but he was. He never wanted to fight but he did.  He did a lot for the team that they didn’t realize._

The man in the suit looked at the boys and cleared his throat. The boys stepped a part and looked at the man. Lance subtlety moved in front of Hunk. The man noticed and

smiled at the boys. “My name in William McClain. Which of you is Lance Rodriguez?”

Lance looked at the man and then the area around them. He was looking for a way out. It worried the man how defensive a 10-year-old boy could be.

"It's okay kid, I’m not going to hurt you." The man started to walk cautiously up the boys and knelt.  He held out his hand “Nice to meet you, I take it your Lance.” Lance reached hesitantly to take it. It was a firm handshake and the man smiled. “I understand you’ve had a rough time these last few months.” Lance nodded and then turned to Hunk.

“Hey dude, I got things here, you should go home. Tell Marco where I am.”

Hunk looked warily between the man and Lance before nodding. Hunk got up, knowing he was just dead weight, and moved to the exist of the park. It wasn’t far to Lance’s house, so it wouldn’t take long.

Once Hunk was gone the man looked at Lance. He surveyed his injures and then asked Lance “May I speak to your mother?” At the mention of Lance’s mother Lance glared at the man.

He opened his mouth when Marco called out “What’s going on?” he walked up to them. “Can I help you?” he said to the man. He was standing now and moved to shake Marco’s hand.

“Hello I’m William McClain. I’m an old friend of Esmeralda. I take it you’re Marco?”

“Yeah that’s me, let me call her.” He walked a few spaces away to call his mom but still watched them. He knew his brother could handle himself, but he still was protective of his family after he almost lost him.

The call didn’t end up going through before their mother was coming up to them. She was almost running when she saw William. Though Lance thought her reaction was rather odd. She hugged him, stepped back, slapped him hard across the face, and then hugged him again. She was crying and almost sobbing but she was smiling too. Both Marco and Lance stared at the stranger and their mother, then back at each other. Marco moved his hand to make a circular movement around the side of his head and then pointed at his mother. Lance rolled his eyes and walked to his brother. When they saw their mother wasn’t letting go any time soon they started to walk in the direction Hunk had left in.

Girls were weird.

_Hunk laughed at his friend’s antics then smiled sadly. He missed his best friend. Sure, he was there, they were seeing his life, but there wasn’t the laugh and the smile. He wasn’t there to make inside jokes with, to break the tension when it was suffocating. He wasn’t there to remind Hunk of home. Lance helped with the home sickness. He helped so much that they forgot Lance was homesick. That he missed earth, and his family. They all had their problems, but they all had Lance._

_Lance made their team work. He made their broken pieces fit. He was the glue that held them together._

_Hunk didn’t realize he had spoken out loud until blue had laid a hand on the opposite arm Pidge was still petting. “This may be true, but I don’t think he sees this. He has been beaten down so many times that he is losing himself.”_

_Hunk looked at her and then back at Lance. He understands what she means, but Hunk feared that they had let Lance get too far. That there was no getting him back._

_The others shared his fear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I’m sorry things have gotten a little crazy this week but I hope you like the story and that you review. I love reading your thoughts on the story and as always, I don't own anything.


	7. The One With the Harsh Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, i would like to say thank you to all that review i love reading them and i own nothing. However i would like to warn you that this chapter is triggering tho those who are suicidal, it is also triggering in general. i would also like to say that even though life is hell most of the time, ending your life is not the answer. Hurting yourself is no the answer. I know hell and i think it bleeds into my writing, so this isn't some fake rant where i don't know what the hell i'm talking about. i know hell and i'm sorry if you are there to, but you can beat the damn devil. You can beat all the demons in your head, and you can win.  
> Okay end of my venting, please enjoy the chapter. You've been warned.

_Keith was angry. He was glaring at the others and at then at Blue._   

 _“Explain, now.”_   

 _“Keith-,” Shiro tried._   

 _“No, we’ve seen his head, we’ve bonded. Why the hell don’t we know about this? About any of this.”_   

 _“I think you know. I think you know exactly why. You know what lost time is don’t you?”  Blue said calmly._   

 _“He suppressed it?”_   

 _“No, not all of it.  He just didn’t want you to know. About any of it. So, he made you not know.  He laughed and he joked, he made himself look stupid. He made himself the comic relief. He has been through hell and he made it out alive. It’s because he made it out alive that he wanted to make sure that no one knew that pain. He made it his life goal to make sure no one knew. Not how hurt he was, not his past, not how much he’s lost. He never wanted anyone to know the pain he was in because he didn’t want anyone to worry. I think for the most part he succeeded despite how much it has killed him.”_  

 _“But it would have been an unconscious thing for us to see when our minds bonded,” Pidge spoke logically._   

 _“Keith wasn’t totally wrong, he did suppress some of it, the thing that he couldn’t get to roll off his back. The biggest thing he couldn’t handle.”_  

_“That wasn’t his sister, or the abuse?” Pidge asked desperately trying to understand._

  _“No, it was the thing he couldn’t control, the key event that piled on all the others that broke the camel’s back. With all that was going on he couldn’t process it, he lived in denial from it and when he acknowledged it nearly destroyed him.”_  Blue paused like it hurt her to speak.

  _“Haley died,” Keith said softly. “He tried to protect her, and he couldn’t save her. Not from herself.”_  

 _“Yes. She was the first person he protected, and the one he failed.”_  

  _“He shouldn’t’ve had to protect her, he was a kid. It wasn’t his fault!”_  

_“I know, I know. But he doesn’t. He will probably never not blame himself for her, because he wasn’t there. He wasn't there and she killed herself."_

_That's where the conversation ended because as the paladins tried to understand what Lance had been through a new scene began to play._

The man, as it turns out, really was an old friend of his mom. They had grown up together and had been best friends, but when Esmeralda had married Fredrick, she was forbidden from seeing him. It had been a few months since Fredrick had been sentenced for 30 years for attempted murder and abuse of a minor. When William had herd, he was determined to find his old friend. 

The man had soon become a major figure in Lance’s life, kind of like a tio (uncle) or other close pariente (relitive). He was there when Lance had school fairs and parent meetings. He was also there when Lance decided he wanted to be a pilot.

“Mi hijo, why would you want to do that, it’s dangerous. There’s a war coming and I don’t know if I can bear the thought of losing you.” His mother pleaded with hit to change his mind. 

“Esmy, you know as well as I do that there is no changing his mind when he wants to do something. Lance, why do you want to be a pilot?” William intervened.

“I want to see the stars, the ones really close.”

“And this has nothing to do this the poster of that Takashi Shirogane fellow on your wall.”

“No not really,” Lance mumbled

“And nothing to do with Marco?”

Lance tensed. He knew his brother was enlisting and that there was a chance that his brother was going to get hurt. Lance knew that there was a chance that he could get hurt, being a pilot, but it was worth it if he helped someone.  it was worth it if got to see the stars.

He steeled his nerves and said to William and his mom “Being a fighter pilot is something I want to do, it’s something that I can do, you’ve seen the simulation results. I can, and will do this.”

“Tough words for a twelve-year-old. Okay why don’t you go talk to Marco for a while I try to calm your mom down. Don’t forget he’s leaving tomorrow.”

Lance ran out of the room and the scene began to fade. It focused again with Lance on the beach in a suit staring at the ocean. He’d been crying. His eyes were dull and glassy but also puffy.

_Keith, Shiro, and Pidge looked at each other before Hunk spoke “It wasn’t six months before a flag and a letter was taken to them. They said he was missing in action a couple of weeks before, but then they found his body, or what was left of it. He was blown up in an ‘unsanctioned’ mission. They dismissed him, and said he died without honor. It nearly killed Lance. I just didn’t realize how much.” Hunk was still staring at the scene while they looked at him._

_Keith was contemplating the new information before looking at Lance. “Oh, my god.”_

Lance was at the end of a pier. He was looking at the water but from higher up. He was standing on the edge. He just kept staring at the water. There were footsteps from behind him.  

“Come on Lance, you can’t give up now.” Lance gasped. He turned to see his sister Sofia leaning over the ledge to stare at the water. Lance looked at her.

“You shouldn’t be here, go find mom.”

“Why so I can lose you too. You want me to leave so you can die.” Her voice wasn't accusing, it was just a fact.

"You all think I don’t remember Fredrick, that I was too young. I was sheltered from what he was doing to you, you all think I was completely oblivious to it all. But I knew. I remember what happened. I remember what I lost.  I remember Marie, and now I have to remember Marco. I don’t want to have to remember you too. I don’t want to have to lose you too.”

She looked at him. She’d been crying too.

“Okay,” he took a deep breath, “Okay Sof.”

He stepped down from the ledge and it shook him to the core. He was about to leave his family. He would’ve left when they needed him. When his only little sister needed him to protect her. The mere though broke his heart.

He jumped up and took her hand. “Come on let’s get some Ice cream.” He started to run and laugh towards the other end of the pier. Lance eventual let go of her hand when she wasn’t running fast enough and did a hand stand. He was fine until he tried to walk and then fell on his face. That made his sister laugh. She started running yelling “Come on slow poke.”

 Lance got up and yelled back “Oh come on that’s not fair.”

_Hunk was watching as his best friend. He watched as his friend was about to kill himself. He watched as his friend hid every feeling he was having to make Sofia feel better. He kept watching. They all couldn’t look away. It was like watching a personal hell._

_They never knew. Hunk never knew his best friend got this low. He’d suspected it, but Lance was always so happy. So, full of_ life.

 _Pidge was kicking herself for not recognizing the look in Lance’s eyes when she talked about her_ older _brother._

_Shiro was believing he failed, because he never considered looking beyond the act he put on._

_Keith was too frozen to think. He couldn’t believe this, couldn’t process this._

_The paladins didn’t know how to process this. Lance was the sunshine to the fog. He was a big ball of love and laughter that spending time with him made their lives better._

_Blue watched the realization overcome the space family. Now, now they were starting to get it. They were understanding, they knew Lance was strong but not to this extent. They were realizing how much of himself had been sacrificed to be the person he was now. But no matter how strong he was, he could still brake. They were starting to understand that Lance could shatter and no one would know._

_“Maybe he already has.”_   


	8. The One With Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is another triggering chapter, though it is not graphic, the warning if for sexual abuse.

No one knew who spoke but they all agreed. Would they know? Would they have known what was going on behind that smile? The paladins wondered this as they tried to comprehend what their friend was really like. They were also coming to the realization that they didn’t really know him at all. This was heartbreaking, most of all to Hunk.

 He didn’t understand how he could’ve not known about his friend. How could he have not known that his friend was suicidal, that he was so willing to end his life? Did Hunk even have the right to call Hunk his friend?

“Paladins, you’ve been shown a part of Lance’s life that would not wish you to know. Lance likes to lock things up. He pushes the dark things deep down into himself. He likes to make no one concerned about his life. It breaks my soul that he is so good at it.” She looked off and Keith noticed the tears in her eyes.

“I saw him once,” Pidge said, “I couldn’t sleep and I ended up walking up to the control deck. He was there. He looked so sad. I asked him what was wrong but the look was gone so quickly I started to doubt it was even there. I ended up just sitting there with him until I fell asleep. Then I woke up in my bed, and he never mentioned it. I thought it was just a dream and I didn’t think anything of it after that.”

The others looked at her, they were all starting to recognize all the time they really saw him.

“He looked so sad when he thought no one could see him,” Shiro spoke up. He let out a humorless laugh “Then again when were we looking.”

“I saw him get low once, it was some party I went to when I first started at the garrison. When I saw him at the party he was drunk and bloody. He was about to pass out and I wasn’t about to leave some upset guy passed out at a random party. I tried to move him and he freaked out. Then some guy tried to yell at me for taking to the guy. He tried to grab the guy on the ground and he freaked out more, and then I noticed that he had bloody knuckles. I told him to fuck off and got into it with the guy when he wouldn’t leave.”

“While we were fighting the guy on the floor must have come back to himself because when the fight was broken up he was gone. I didn’t know what was really going on until later. I didn’t even know it was him I saw until a few weeks ago, when I woke him up from a nightmare.”

“I was training and I heard him yelling and when I tried to wake him up he kept babbling about how he didn’t want to. That he could say no. that he was saying no. then all he said was someone’s name. He kept saying this name, practically screaming it. It was-”

“Mason,” Hunk interrupted. Hunk had his eyes shut, and looked like he was in pain.

“Yeah. You know?”

“It’s hard not to. Everyone knew it happened but not who. No one knew what happened.”

“I remember that, I just remember Lance was really upset the next day. He kept scratching at his arms and being jittery; he kept distracting people and Iverson gave him detention. That’s when he told me he had ADHD.” Pidge looked off to the side and hugged herself.

Hunk took a deep breath “That’s not all that happened. I don’t even think I know everything that happened, but I know more than most. You see, No one could figure it out why mason had his ass kicked that night. No one knew that when Lance came back to the dorm that night he broke a mirror and just stared at his hand while it blead.  He just stared at it and when I tried to fix it he said he it was ‘a better way to feel.’ That alone terrified me. This was my best friend and he was saying he wanted to be hurt.  But I guess to his it was justified.” Hunk couldn’t look up from his hands.

“I didn’t know how bad their ‘relationship’ was until after this. I should have known but I didn’t. I suspected mason was hurting Lance emotionally but I didn’t think he would go as far as he did.  I should have known that he was hurting Lance but I didn’t.

“That night wasn’t the first time that mason tried forced himself on Lance.  It had happened before, and in retrospect I could probably tell you when. But there was something different about this time. Lance fought back. I don’t know why he did this time but I think it had something to do with a phone call he got from his mom. Hindsight is 20/20.”

“That’s not the only thing you did, was it?” Blue asked smugly.

“I didn’t think he knew about that.”

“He didn’t know it was you but he did know a few of his cousins were in town.”

“I had to make up for lost time.”

“Hunk Garret, don’t you dare,” Pidge growled. “I know that look, hell I’ve had that look.  Not knowing wasn’t your fault. I know abusive relationships, and I know how that screw every standard there is what’s okay. The victim in isolated so they rely on the abuser. It’s how they stay in control.”

“Pidge…” Shiro drew out her name concernedly.

“Don’t go space dad no me, my mom volunteered at a women’s center and I went with her in the summers,” was Pidge’s flippant reply. “And don’t you forget I was there to, we were on the same team. We were close and I should have known. This is breaking my heart too.”

By the end of her mini-speech Pidge was breathing heavily and Blue was getting concerned. She may have been upset that the space family had not noticed her Lance was hurting, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t care for them. Curse her for being the emotional lion.

Blue looked at the paladins. They all looked tired and sad and it was breaking her heart. Then she looked at the space around them. It was a shade of baby blue with navy starting to fall at the edges. Like an approaching storm on a bright sunny day. The memories were playing like a picture show that Lance had told her about. She had an idea; she cast her arms out and closed her eyes.

Keith looked at her “What are you do-AHH” he tripped on something that was not there before. He looked to what he tripped on to see the room had changed on a second. It was still various shades of blue but now it looked like it was walls. And there was a rather large couch.

“Nice one, Graceful,” Pidge said dryly.   

“I thought you all could use a small break. I don’t know how long you’ll be here, but you’ve all been through battle and being involved in a spell is exhausting enough, let alone the emotional trauma,” she sighed. “You’ve seen his hell and how he came back, but not everything he lived through was bad. He hasn’t let the bad in his life overrule the good. He had friends, his family, the people he protected they made him keep living.”

Keith looked at Blue, then to the couch, thought ‘fuck it,’ and sat down. The rest followed soon after all piling together. Blue smiled at them, they looked like a bunch of cats; all cuddled up Pidge looking so small against Hunk, who was leaning his shoulder against Shiro.

‘They look like a pack,’ she mused, though there was a spot just big enough for a tall, lean Cubin boy in between Shiro and Keith.  That thought alone made her purr. He was the missing piece to their strung-up space family. They were tired, and though time is relative, they needed to rest. She could hold the rest of the memories as long as she could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay i know there were no real memories but i felt that hearing the memories from the paladins would help them bond. i thought that when they put the pieces together it would help them realize who there friend is. i thought it was better to involved them then just have them watch them. 
> 
> i am so sorry this is late my life has been just a little crazy, i will try to get them out as soon as i can and i will keep doing so as long as you all keep reading them. 
> 
> most of all i really hoped you liked it, i own nothing. smiles!!


	9. The One With Feels

Meanwhile, Allura and Coran were scrambling to find out where the paladins had gone. The invaders had left and she had called for them to return and when they didn’t respond she began to worry.

“I found something, princess,” Coran called as he projected 5 blinking lights all around each other. They weren’t mothing. Both she and Coran began to think the worst. Why weren’t they mothing. What had happened, and why was it only showing the lions and not her paladins. Where were her paladins, her family? She couldn’t bear the thought that they might be-, no she wouldn’t go there.

“Coran find me a spot to land.”

* * *

 

_Keith was the first to wake up. He shifted and begrudgingly opened his eyes. He sat up and could feel Shiro’s hand slip from his shoulders._

_“Your awake,” blue noted._

_“I don’t sleep for long, never have. It’s probably the Galra in me.”_

_“You saw that as if it’s a bad thing. Your spices does not determine your character.”_

_“Lance said something similar once,” Keith looked off wistfully._

_“Just once,” blue said knowingly_

_“Shut up.”_

_The banter stopped and they just sat in their silence. She looked at him after a moment._

_“I have to ask you something, Keith.”_

_“What do you need to ask, can’t you ream my mind in here?”_

_She ignored his question “How- what do you feel for Lance?”_

_“What do you mean, he’s-he’s my friend,” he cursed his stutter._

_“So earlier when you called him ‘your Lance’.”_

_“It didn’t mean anything,” he snapped._

_“Oh, I know that’s not true.”_

_“So, you can read my mind.”_

_She laughed. She just laughed as he was getting angrier._

_“No young one, I cannot read your mind as you put it, but I can read your body language.”_

_Keith was going to ask what that was about when he noticed the other’s starting to wake up._

_“Whaaaa-,” Hunk grumbled as he stretched. His stretching dislodged Pidge, who yelled as she fell, which woke Shiro up. They all looked bit startled and grumpy at the same time._

_Keith and blue looked at the bunch and laughed. “I hope you rested well paladins, because it is time to continue.”_

_They all sat down on the couch and the memory started to play like a movie screen._

Lance and Hunk were walking to the garrison. It was the first day of it all. For the first 2 months, everyone would train so they could be placed. They would also have their general classes. It was there that he met Keith. The same Keith that didn’t remember him.

They ended up sitting next to each other “Hey.”

Keith looked at him, then up and down, then said “Whatever.”

Not to be discouraged he continued “The name’s Lance,” with a fuck me smile. “What’s yours, pretty thing?”

Keith looked back at him out of the corner of his eye, “Keith.”

“Fitting, it’s as pretty as you.” Lance smiled and leaned forward.

“Great now leave me alone.”

“I see,” Lance still smiled at Keith.

He did that every day for the first week. Then the first ranking came out. Keith was first at 247, and Lance was second at 245. Then he started to look at Keith with more of a purpose. Because when Lance mentioned the score to Keith, he asked who Lance was. For a split-second Lance’s eyes were dark and sad. “Never mind,” then he stocked off.

Then Lance was passing his room while Hunk sat on his bunk watching him.

“Can you believe him, with his stupid mullet. He didn’t remember me.”  
“I think you’re over reacting.”

“OVERREACTING, Me? No never, that is not what’s happing. Damn him and his stupid mullet and his stupid pretty face.” Lance stopped passing. “I hate him and his smile, and laugh, I hate the way his violet eyes sparkle when he’s in the sim, the way he just looks so right flying,” Lance had no bite to his words and a smile on his face.

“Hey, Lance,” Hunk smirked,” Are you sure you hate him?”

Lance snapped out of it, “Of course I do.”

Hunk laughed and the next two weeks happened in a flash of Lance creating a rivalry in his mind to deal with his feelings.

 Then enter mason. At first, he was charming and romantic.  He made Lance feel like he was the only thing that mattered in the world.

Then mason hit him.

It was the first time it had happened, Mason was going farther then Lance was comfortable with. Lance told him to stop but Mason got frustrated. mason spent the next 2 days begging for Lance’s forgiveness saying it would never happen again. But it did, and mason would make him go farther. It happened a lot more, but Lance kept forgiving him.

Mason started to get territorial when they all got sorted into their teams, and Lance was placed with Pidge and Hunk. That night Mason made Lance ‘prove’ that Lance was loyal to him.  And Lance did, because Lanced loved him. Right? After that things were getting better.

Except this one time at a party that mason had made Lance go to, something happened. Lance said no. Mason didn’t like that, “You think you can say no to me you little slut. You think you deserve to. You think that someone as fucked up and useless as you has the right to say no.” He was grabbing Lance’s arm, and when Lance wouldn’t look at him, mason took him by the neck and squeezed. There was a slam somewhere close by and mason got distracted and Lance ran.

He ended up running until he got shoved into the drinks. He was crying and tired and sore and he wasn’t thinking and took a bottle, forgoing the cup, and drank most of it in one go. He felt dizzy as the alcohol burned down his throat. It was better than the yelling in his head. Then thinking about if mason was right.

He drank the rest of the bottle and grabbed another one, only this time it was almost ¾ full and not less than half. He took the bottle and tried to find Hunk to go back to his bed, but his brain was fuzzy and it was hard to walk. He leaned against a wall and slid down it. He just wanted it all to go away. He’d been hurt all his life, why couldn’t it stop.

Then he felt someone shaking him. He opened his eyes to the violet of his dreams. Though they were oh so sad. Then there was talking. He couldn’t make out what was said, but the noise made him feel better.

Then the memory faded and a new one showed up.

It was Keith getting kicked out of school. He was yelling and screaming that it wasn’t Shiro’s fault. They were hiding soothing and he was going to find out. Keith ad to be dragged away kicking and screaming.

_“Don’t give me that look, Shiro. I wasn’t okay and they kept telling me you were dead. So just shut up.”_

_“Hey no judgement from me, I broke in and hacked the mainframe to find out what happened,” Pidge admitted._

_“Yeah then you enrolled under a fake name,” Hunk laughed._

A new memory played.

Lance and Hunk were standing in front of a screen with the rankings posted.

“I made it! I'm a fighter pilot. Hasta la later, Keith! And look, you're my engineer, Hunk.”

“Can I do that from the ground?”

They both laughed and then talked with Pidge, until they were blown off.

Lance and Hunk walked off towards their doom room. They were laughing and feeling great. Lance made it to fighter piolet. He was in the clouds. Then his insecurities started to make themselves known. By the time Lance was coming down from his high of being a fighter piolet, they were already in the dorm and Hunk was snoring. It was there in the almost silence that Lance let his mind wander.

Lance knew he was good but his grades and ranking had gone down after what had happened with _him._ Lance shivered at the thought. Did he really only make fighter pilot because Keith got kicked out. And even though his ranking was so low compared to Hunk and Pidge, so why did he get teamed with them. He was nothing compared to them. The thought broke his heart but it was true. He wasn’t as good as he thought he was. He wasn’t good enough to be where he was. Pidge and Hunk deserved better then him and now they were stuck with him. _Dios_ _mío._ Lance started to get scared. He couldn’t do this.

Though the daemons in his head were as bad as they were after he failed the first simulator. It was a tough mission that they ended up dead but the mission was completed. When they got out Iverson really tore into Lance. “You idiot. You were wasting so much time being the hero, that your failed to see the point. Don’t forget that the only reason you’re here is because the best student in your class was expelled.” By this time, he was yelling an inch from Lance’s face. Lance barely flinched, he was used to not making an outside appearance of his feelings. Though on the inside he was agreeing. Sure, he was expendable but his team mates were nit. They had something to offer and he didn’t, and he was in charge of keeping them safe.

Lance steeled his nerves and set his shoulders. He could deal with this, he would have to.

_"He’s talking about me isn’t he,” Keith asked._

_“Yeah, he was,” Pidge volunteered._

_“After the first couple of time he started this rivalry. I think it was his way of feeling better about the fact everyone was comparing you,” Hunk sighed._

_“That a-hole was always telling Lance that he was nothing. I don’t know why he hatted Lance so much but he did. I think that much emotional abuse really started to ware on him. Sometimes he did that scratching thing. He kept doing it while we were in the castle and I begged him to stop.” Pidge looked off._

_“If it’s his way of coping why would you ask him to stop,” Shiro asked exasperated._

_"Don’t Shiro just don’t. you didn’t see him. You never saw how bad it got. It never saw it get this bad at the garrison. It was like a panic attack. He couldn’t stop scratching at his arm and there was so much blood, and scares and scabs,” she started to cry but continued to talk._ _“I get that it was helping him cope but at what cost. he was hurting himself and I was afraid about what he was going to do next. When scratching wasn’t enough, because when hurting yourself becomes normal it loses its effect so they’d have to find something stronger. Deeper scratching, bigger cuts, until eventually you hit a wall and just end the pain inside your head.  I was terrified, hell I still am, that I am gonna lose him to himself. I know how easy it is to do it, to just want the numbness to go away and feel something you can control. I’ve been down that road and I’ll be damned if I lose my brother to it. I can’t lose another brother, I refuse to.” She was breaking down._ _She couldn’t move and having her own panic attack. Hunk wrapped her in a hug, then Keith, then Shiro. Keith, who was resting his head-on top of Pidge’s started to hum. It was a soft song, as if he was trying to lull her to sleep. Hunk gave him a look and then the sleeping girl in his arms. She was starting to stop crying. She shifted and looked at Keith. “How do you know that?”_

 _“_ _What do you mean?” Keith glanced away nervously._

 _“That’s what Lance does to calm people down, how. Do. You. Know. it?”_

_“He did it once to calm me down. It was comforting and I thought it would work. It there a problem?”_ _He does the same thing when he talks me down. I didn’t realize before today that it was the song his mom sang him when he was a kid but it was always soft and loving. It made me feel better about having family with me. Having my brother. Oh god, and he didn’t think he was worthy of me. Why did I have to hurt him so much?” she shuddered._

_“That wasn’t your fault,” Shiro tried to ease her trouble._

_“Yeah it was. I’m not good at affection and I thought he knew he was my family, my brother. I thought he knew I loved him but he didn’t and I failed him. I didn’t tell him he was the best of us, that I didn’t have to tell him, but I was wrong. He was always so confident, I didn’t notice how much he was being torn apart.” She was getting worked up again._

_“Then we’ll have to tell him. We’ll all have to explain to him how we feel. I didn’t realize how bad it was. I knew he had trouble believing people cared, but I didn’t know he didn’t believe us. I thought he knew.”_

_“Young ones, you must tell him. You cannot change his past but you can learn from it so he may heal from it. He has been compared all his life, to his siblings, to statistics, to other people. He has never just been Lance. That’s who he needs to be. Not the damaged kid, not the former cargo pilot, but the loving, self-sacrificing, kind boy who never wanted to fight in the first place. He has lost so much, but he still will die to protect those he loves. And that means all of you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone i am so sorry but last week was hell with work and school, not trying to me excuses just an explanation. i might have to change to every 2 weeks or week and a half but i will get them out as soon as i can. i dont own any thing and i hoped you liked it.


	10. The One With A Lot Feels

Lance was standing in the middle of the dessert, only to turn around to see the ocean of his home. He took a deep breath and though it was the salty air he remembered, it was different. The wind blew past his face and he could hear the laughter, that sounded like… no it couldn’t be, not her. He spun around and to look for the origin of the sound with movements that were both frantic and groggy. He couldn’t find her. She wasn’t there, of course she wasn’t. “She’s gone.” 

He collapsed. 

* * *

 

_“How did he turn out so normal?” No one knew who asked the question._

_Maybe he didn’t, maybe he was just good at hiding it._  

Lance and Hunk were sneaking past the windows, only to find their way to the roof. 

 _“Oh, my god, this isn’t going to end well”, Hunk murmured._  

 “You come up here to rock out?” Lance whispered as he snuck up on Pidge.

Pidge jumped up and said nervously “Oh, Lance, Hunk. No, um, just looking at the stars.” 

“Man, where'd you get this stuff? It doesn't look like Garrison tech.”

“I built it.” Pidge stated smugly while getting upset the Hunk was still trying to mess with the machine. “I can scan all the way to the edge of the solar system.

“All the way to Kerberos?” and he groaned at the mention of the planet. 

“What is wrong with you?  You go ballistic every time the instructors bring it up. What's your deal?” Pidge ignored him to yell at Hunk to leave the machine alone, then continued. “Look, Pidge, if we're going to bond as a team, we can't have any secrets.”

Pidge signed. “Fine. The world as you know it is about to change. The Kerberos Mission wasn't lost because of some malfunction or crew mistake. So, I've been scanning the system and picking up alien radio chatter.” 

Both Lance and Hunk shared their disbelief about the aliens and were making plans on what to do about their friend. Entertain the delusion or full on have Pidge committed. 

“I'm serious. They keep repeating one word, ‘Voltron.’ And tonight, it's going crazier than I have ever heard it.”

Now Lance was intrigued, he may not believe it but Pidge did, “How crazy?”

Then Iverson came over the intercom for the students to go on lockdown, however the cadets’ attention was drawn in by the giant flaming object coming in hot not far from the garrison. Which made Pidge to run towards the crash, Lance to run after Pidge all while Hunk followed soon after questioning his life choices. 

 _The next few minutes were scrambled. Images flashed and so did spots of conversation._  

“Shiro! the guy’s my hero!” Shiro was on a table.

“We have to find Voltron!” Then he was on the table being sedated.  

“That guy is always trying to one-up me… Keith I’d recognize that mullet” then Lance looking through binoculars to see ‘Keith’ with a red half jacket and a bandanna tied around his face. 

“Who are you? … the names Lance,” Lance looking at Keith while helping hold Shiro up.

_It finally settled an image of Lance sitting in the cockpit of the blue lion. He was talking to her._

“To form Voltron, we are meant to have a connection to the lions as well as to each other. I don’t know if I can do that but I’ll try.” He chuckled nervously. “Okay I’ll start. I think I’m going crazy for talking to a magic lion, but I’ll go with it. My name is Lance, I am 17, and I’m very protective of those I care about. Though I think you knew the last part. You know what I was going to sacrifice when I thought Hunk was dead and I’m sorry for that. I didn’t realize you were that sentient after that long.” He took a deep breath.  

Blue pulsed in his head, not at ferocious as her roar the first time he sat in the cockpit, no this was more a comforting purr. 

“Oh, I see you can understand me, now I feel less crazy. Thanks for that.” He smiled then frowned. “So, I need a real genuine answer, and I don’t care how you give me that answer just that the answer is true. Can you do that, or is that too early in the relationship mi Azul?” the purring started again. “Okay then, let’s do this. Why did you pick me? Was it convenience or necessity or did you want  _me_? I just need to know.”

 When he got no response, he continued. “I mean Keith is much better than I am, don’t tell his I said that, and he was there and you never showed yourself.” He paused, “Yeah I know that was you, the quintessence or something. I wasn’t quite listening, to be honest I was waiting for her to kick me off the team when we told her how we found you. That though I piloted you through the wormhole that I was unfit to be a paladin given how I acted when we found you. And how we handled the Galra ship. but desperate times call for desperate measures.” He stopped talking, eyes glassy, and let out a humorless laugh.  

He took a deep breath “If I was her I would have. I mean I’m not Keith or Shiro, and even if Hunk and Pidge aren’t the best pilots least they bring something to the team. Me, I just make stupid jokes and be the teams comic relief. Then again what else am I supposed to be when everyone else is falling apart.”

“Keith isn’t good on a team, and he’s not doing well when he is forced to deal with other people. He is an introvert and he doesn’t know how to deal with being on a team, mostly because he was abandoned at some point and never learned to handle it, rather that was Shiro or his parents I don’t know. He has been alone most of his life and is suddenly thrown into space with people he doesn’t know and then is forced to ‘bond’ with them. I’m surprised he hasn’t shut us out completely.”

“Then Shiro, my fucking hero who won’t give me the time of day. He is completely bias to Keith and Pidge, which is understandable because they remind him of his life before the Galra. On top of that he has PTSD and wont deal with it because he is trying to be strong for the rest of us, all the while losing himself to the monsters in his head that he thinks we don’t know about. He is trying to play and himself.

“Pidge is mainly focused on finding his/her family. Which I didn’t even know was a problem. I should have known. I should have known a lot of things but I didn’t because I was too stupid to look. And earlier I heard Shiro call him/her Katie. Does that mean he is really she, or she is he, or she was born she and is she and was lying to us the entire time I’ve known him/her. This is hurting my brain to think about. And I can’t ask Pidge about it because I don’t know the rules about this. Is it insensitive to ask, is it not, and is it just something Pidge is uncomfortable with to talk about? Is ‘Katie’ just a her and Shiro thing. I don’t know how to deal with this because the gremlin hates me. Oh fuck it, I’m using non-binary term from now on because I’m just confusing myself.  And will not take care of them self. They won’t eat, sleep, or have anything to do with us. They are shutting down, and what should we expect, they’re a 14-year-old kid. I want to keep them safe, but I can’t. Am I failing Pidge?”

“Hunk, my best friend, my brother is pushing me away. He is baking all the time and when he’s not he’s with Pidge taking about experiments, or he’s with Coran working on the castle. And I feel horrible that it upsets me that he is coping without me and I don’t know what to do. He is not just mine and I… I think I’ve lost him. Does that make me a bad friend, that I’m hurting him by wanting to not lose him? Though I think I’ve already have. He’s not mine anymore. I’m selfish and it hurts that I have lost my family, but the more I talk about it the more I realize he’s just out grown me and doesn’t need me to protect him. So why do I feel like I should?

“Then there is Allura, who is falling apart. She has lost everything to this war and hasn’t had a chance to grieve. Her father, her planet, friends. Everything is gone. She is a kid, probably around 16, like the rest of us, and she has to fight in a war for the universe. 

“Then Coran lost the paladins, his kids, family, everyone and is still cheerful. I don’t think that it is real. Not that he’s lying, but I think he’s acting. I used to watch this show back on earth, and once one of the characters said something that stuck with me. She said ‘he was always cheerful, he was lovely. Except when he thought no one could see. I saw him once. He looked sad.’  I think Coran understands that we’re kids and he tries to make us feel better as we’re sent out to war. As we’re sent out to die for a war that is not ours to fight, but we understand that we are the only ones who can fight. 

“We are a breaking team all on our own.”

“And then the lions, you all were left alone for 10,000 years alone, alive, and watching. Red on a Galra ship, Green on a far planet, Black in the castle, and you and Yellow on earth.  You in the cave with the glowing lights. People were there, to see the lights, and to be your paladin.  Allura said you were the friendliest, so why did you not pick a paladin sooner.” Blue growled, “I’m not saying you don’t have standards, but in all that time how could you not have found someone better than me, I’m just a boy from Cuba. Did you pick me because I was in the group with people suited for the rest of the lions?” he trailed off.

When he didn’t get an answer, he continued “When Allura told us who our lions were going to be she told us their traits. She also told us the traits of their paladins but she didn’t tell me about you, and she didn’t tell me about your paladin. She just glossed over who I was meant to be, I don’t want to know; I interrupted her for a reason. Being a paladin is a lot to live up to and I can barely handle that. Maybe it would have better to know but I don’t know. I’m not strong like Keith, smart like Pidge or Hunk, and I’m not a leader. I’m just here. So why in 10,000 years would you choose me?”

The memory was suddenly shattered and the room started to shake.

_What’s going on?_

_The paladins and Blue crowed together. What the hell? The room started to spin, then it went pick black. There was a voice screaming. It wouldn’t stop screaming, it was male, young but not childlike, and it made everyone’s blood run cold.  “Why, why, why” he screamed. “Why did you take them.” Out of the darkness a small light came on in the distance, creating an eerie glow. Though it was faint they could things around them. Things that weren’t on the screen._

_They saw Lance kneeling on the ground, and he was holding something. No, someone. The person in Lance’s arms had their head fallen back, like they were unconscious. Or dead. The body in Lance’s arms was almost purple, but still pail, and dark black hair. He was wearing red armor. Around them they saw the bodies of five more people. One had long hair that had once been white, but was now red surrounded by a puddle of red. A man was lying with a hole in his neck and blood in his mustache staring upwards blankly. A much smaller person had a cut in their side that nearly torn them in half, but they were still desperately clutching a green barad. A larger body had his throat ripped out with blood dripping down his front; the blood turning the yellow orange color.  The last body was lying on his side with the black Bayard in his chest, gripping the handle._

_Surrounding the bodies were the all lions except Blue. In unison, they all screamed “You did this. You were meant to protect them, and you failed. Because of you our paladins are dead. Because of you our sister is dead.” They moved so show the blue lion in a pile of scrap, her eyes no longer glowing, body torn in half._

_“Everyone is dead because you were weak!”_

_“No, stop it, stop it. It’s not my fault,” Lance cried out as he sobbed into Keith’s body. “It’s not,” he was sobbing too much to speak._

_The scene cut in a sudden loss of light, but they could still hear him sobbing._

_The screen was back, the room, the sofa, everything was back to normal._

_Well normal for being magically put into someone’s mind._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven’t been posting for a long time but I had some family/medical problems and some school things and I’m not trying to make excuses just offer an explanation. I am so sorry again.  
> Thank you for everyone who has enjoyed my story, and I own nothing. :)


	11. The One With The Healing Pod

_The paladins were in a state of shock. What the hell was that._ _Simultaneously the_ _y_ _all looked at the embodiment of the blue lion. She wouldn’t look at them, and onl_ _y_ _said one word. "N_ _ightmares."_

Lance was sitting in the control room with his hand resting in hand.

“Mind if I join you?” Lance acknowledged Coran’s presence with a sideways glance.  

“How far away from Earth do you think we are, Coran?”

“Let's take a look.” Coran stood up and went to the computer, “Earth is over here. And we're all... the way over...” he trailed off, moving the map to show the planet they were on. 

Lance looked sad, no heart sick, as he asked, “You ever notice how far the planets are from each other, Coran?”

“Yes. Haven't you been paying attention?” Coran asked in his normally cheery voice.

“Yeah, but I mean, like, they're really, really far away. Like, say, Earth. It's so far, I can't even see it. The... The blue oceans, the white clouds, green grass... I... I can't see any of it.” Lance, as the paladins now understood, was homesick.

Coran’s was much softer now, “You miss Earth. I understand. I miss Altea.”

“I know we're supposed to be brave paladins and Defenders of the Universe or whatever, but, honestly? I just want to go home.” ‘ _I never wanted to fight,’ was heard softly, but Lance’s mouth didn’t move._

“If I could go home, I would.” Coran looked off.

“I miss rain and splashing in puddles.” Lance’s voice and an edge of mirth.

“Rain?”

“Yeah. It's water that falls from the sky.”

“Oh, we had that on Altea,” Coran’s voice was becoming more cheerful as he talked about his home, “Only, it wasn't water, more like rocks. Razor-sharp and boiling-hot. Oh, they could knock a hole right in your head.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Yeah,” he spoke wistfully.

The scene cut to Coran and Lance leaving the room as rover flew in.

  Hey, Rover,” Lance acknowledged rover with a sideways glance as it/he flew past Lance. Lance noticed the beeping and stopped; it almost sounded like a timer. “Wait. Where's Pidge?” The beeping intensified, as ‘rover’ turned red. Lance gasped as he realized the ‘rover” was not ‘rover’ and was about to blow. Coran who noticed none of this kept walking. Not rover exploded causing Coran to turn and Lance to yell “Coran, look out!” as he pushed Coran to the ground, out of the way of the blast. While pushing Coran out of the way Lance suffered the most damage.

_The paladins didn’t need to see what happened next, they lived it. They were all forced to leave Shiro to defend the castle while Lance was dying, and because the explosion destroyed the power crystal they could help Lance at all._

The screen faded to black, but not like completely black. it was the kind of black when the screen was lack but not off. It was a different kind of black.

But in the darkness, there were noises. Kinda like a static that slowly turned into voices. So many voices all at once, so loud, no one could think. Just defining noise. Then silence.

Quietly a voice said “Don’t die on me. Okay, you can’t die on me.” It was Keith, then it was Hunk.

“I can’t tell if he looks healthy... or not."

Then Pidge, “I think he's breathing weird."

 "Oh, come on!" Keith again. Then a tap tap tapping on the glass kind of sound, and Allura jumping in.

"Not yet! A few more ticks."

 "How much better do you think he's gonna get in a few more  _ticks?_ " Keith

“And what exactly  _is_  a tick?" Pidge

"You know, a time-slice." Allura became more cheerful.

"What, like a second?" Shiro joined the mix.

"What is a... ‘second?’”

"Like this." Pidge sounded better, not as worried as they had before. Lance didn’t like them sounding worried. Not when they sounded that way because, well because… why were they worried. Did it have something to do with why he was cold, why he felt lightheaded.

“I'm not sure. I think ticks are bigger. Coran, do you have a ticker?" that was Allura. Then the voices got softer and they couldn’t be made out anymore. Then there was a whooshing noise and a blurring light.

He was falling and then swaying, but couldn’t stay up right. He found something, or rather someone to lean on, but the next few minutes were a blur. It was a rush of yelling and food, and trying to make them laugh. Even if it made him look stupid. Like pretending no to know Pidge was a girl. He stopped them later to try and get them to answer some of his questions.

“Hey, you got a minute?”

“What is it now Lance, I’m busy.”

“Well um…it’ll just take a second, um I was wondering if um, well-.”

“Spit it out Lance!”

“What pronouns do you want us to use. He, she, them, what is it? I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure it out. And then wondering if it’s bad for me to ask, I mean I know that sometimes physical biology doesn’t mean shit and everyone can decide what pronouns they want to use. I didn’t want to assume, because though you might be Katie, if I’m even allowed to call you that, and be born a female, that you aren’t necessary confined to she/her pronouns, but I didn’t know if I should ask you, and I got nervous so acted stupid and for that I’m sorry, know blowing t out of proportion like that. So, I wanted to ask but if it was frowned upon I didn’t want to do it in front of everyone because I didn’t want to embarrass you, and I would rather have you mad at me for asking a dumb question than have you hate me and now I’ve messed this whole thing up and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought this up because now your uncomfortable and I’m sorry- “

Pidge put him out of his misery “It’s okay Lance you can stop apologizing. It’s okay. Just breath, you haven’t messed up just breath.” Pidge was awkwardly standing in front of Lance trying to calm him down. “Let’s just sit down now and just breath,” Pidge suggested as Lance’s legs started to wobble.

“That’s a good idea”, as he collapses. They both end up sitting on the floor Pidge patting Lances back while silently freaking out.

“Are you okay now?” Lance managed to nod. “I didn’t know you have anxiety, does this happen a lot?”

“Is that what’s this’s called, I thought I just rambled when I was nervous and it just got hard to breath.” He tried to laugh.

“It’s okay Lance, it really is. I’m sorry that this has upset you,” that made Lance’s head shoot up with wide eyes, “But you can talk to me you know that. And I don’t have an answer to all your questions, I think I heard a few questions, but when I do I’ll let you know. Okay?” Lance nodded again. He smiled sheepishly, “As for pronouns maybe them or he or she now that I think about it. I don’t really know what I want to be called, I never expected to tell you all that I was born a girl, but I’ll think about it.”

Pidge and Lance smiled at each other before Pidge added “And if the rambling thing gets worse, or you feel you can’t breathe, come to me or someone. You shouldn’t go through that alone, it’s hell I know I had a few after Matt and my dad were thought to be dead. I’m uh… not so great with people as I am with machines and computers, but if you need me then I’m there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it,  
> I can't seem to write for the life of me,  
> I am a horrible human being I know,  
> I don't own anything.  
> If i did Klance would be more cannon then it already is :)


	12. The One With Coran's Backstory

_“He hasn’t by the way,” Pidge supplied. “He hasn’t talked to me. About anything. Though sometimes I think he needs to.”_   

_“I don’t think he’s talked to anyone,” Shiro spoke sadly._   

_“It took forever for him to talk to me. And I’m the one who was supposed to be the closet with him. He doesn't care about himself, don't think he cares about is protecting other people. He's been burned too badly and shut down too many times that he thinks he has to handle this on his own. He calls himself the seventh wheel. He believes he is replaceable and that you were just waiting to find a better paladin._  

_”But that's not true," Hunk exclaimed. "We need him, hell some days I think he's the only thing that holds us together. Yeah, he's annoying and sometimes he tells stupid jokes but we need them. We never asked for this, we never asked to fight in a war, but we know we have to fight.  Lance didn't join the Garrison to fight.  He hates fighting, he just wanted to see the stars up close. He wanted to know if they shined the same way."_  

_Hunk paused to take a breath. "You know he worked every summer to pay for school, he lost a lot of his scholarships when he didn't make fighter pilot. But he couldn't bear to tell his family, so he worked, and he would've made fighter pilot he was good enough said he couldn't sit through a test because of his ADHD."_  

_“Lance has ADHD?” Keith asked._  

_“Yeah and he’s been off his meds for a while, the fidgetiness along with his insomnia I’m surprised you can still function.”_  

_“He comes to me more often than not, he talks to me. Towards the beginning, he just talked because he needed to and he thought no one could hear him. Saying it out loud made him feel like what he says mattered. It’s like when he was talking to you he yupper.”_  

_“What do you mean he talked to the yupper, the creature would just agree with him,” Pidge interjected._  

_“But Lance didn’t know it was a yupper, he thought it was Slav.”_  

The world started to fade. It was a ship, one that Shiro and Pidge recognized.  

Then they saw two figures that were too fuzzy, but one was much larger then the other. When they focused, Lance and the yupper were seen walking. 

Lance's voice rang into existence, it was joyful and prideful. "Pidge is the hacker of our group. Shiro's our awesome leader." 

"Yup." 

"Hunk's our mechanic. He’s also a chef and just a pretty cool dude to hang out with." 

"Yup." 

“And Keith is always doing things like flying into asteroid fields and black holes and cool junk like that." 

"Yup." 

“And I thought I was the team's sharpshooter, but I guess no one else thinks that." Lance's voice lost its upbeat tone. He stopped walking. 

"Maybe I don't have a thing." 

 "Yup." 

"You don't have to agree with me so quickly. They wouldn't keep me on the team if I didn't contribute in some way, would they?" The paladins winced at Lance's question, and his response.  

"Yup." 

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just a fifth wheel. Seventh if you count Coran and Allura. That’s a horrible wheel to be." 

"Yup." 

They kept walking, but this time in silence. That was until Lance spoke up again.  

“Back home there's a pretty famous 7th wheel. His name was Leo. Leo Valdez."  

This time the yupper didn't respond.  

"He not real, but I think that made him better. When you’re not real, people can love you for your flaws. Anything can happen, for the good and the bad." Lance smiled a sad smile.  

"He thought he killed someone he loved, but it wasn't his fault. Maybe that's why he was my favorite; it wasn't his fault, and he was important. He mattered to the world, and the world felt it when he died. His friends, his family, felt it when he died, and they knew he died a hero. My family probably thinks I died in some accident at the Garrison, and my teammates, my friends," his voice cracked the slightest bit.  

"Well let's just say that if I died they would probably have a new paladin by the end of the week. Sure, they’d grieve for a little while then they'd get over it. They'd have to, after all this war is more important then an individual." He gave a humorless laugh.  

"Maybe I should just leave already, go out in a blaze of glory, though that's more Keith's style. I always was in his shadow. No, I've always been more inclined to ice."   

_The room got colder, at Lances dark admission. They had never heard Lances voice sound like that before. It was unnerving._

 The world changed to another memory. It was Lance lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He let out a grunt of frustration. He got out of bed and it cut to him walking into the training room in full armor.

“Start hand-to-hand combat training, level one.”

 And then it started, it figures Lances head would play it like a movie montage. It was Lance in hand to hand at level one, then in sniper training at level three, then back and forth as the numbers climbed, the bags under Lance’s eyes got darker.

Then it stopped.

Lance was at level thirteen in hand-to-hand, which was still lower then Keith’s but not by much, and twenty-five in the shooting simulations. Lance was currently in the middle of a hand-to-hand battle on level fifteen. It was the highest he’d ever gone and had just landed on his ass again.

“Again,” Lance called out. And again, the battle began. Lance was getting slower and was in danger of hurting himself.

Keith wanted to yell ‘cut it out dumb ass, you’re going to hurt yourself,’ even if he knew it wouldn’t work. He had a bad feeling about this fight.

Then it happened. They found out why it had stopped at this memory.

Lance was knocked back like he had been before accept this time there had been a sickening crack. Lance’s something just broke. Lance let out a soundless scream, and then curled his right arm to his chest. It had been his wrist. He sat there heaving, until he swallowed and stood up.

In a fighting position, he called out “Again.”

“End simulation.” Someone else’s voice rang out. It was Coran.

“Coran! What are you doing here?” Lance was trying to play it off, but his voice was far too high, too defensive, like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Coran said nothing. He walked over to Lance and gently took Lance’s arm in his hand, “That looks broken, let’s get you to the med bay,” then started walking to the door. Lance just stood there frozen. “If you don’t come willing, you won’t like plan B.” then Lance scurried after him.

Lance and Coran were then in the med bay, Lance sitting on a table and Coran looking for something.

“Coran?”

  
“Yes, my boy,” Coran hadn’t looked up from where he was searching.

“How did you know I’d be in the training room?”

Coran paused, rummaged through the area a little more and then went over to Lance with the Altean equivalent to bandages, but like the kind that’s used to keep a joint in place. When he was in front of Lance he also gave him some painkillers. Then he started to wrap Lances hand after putting a cream on it. Lance was staring at Coran but he refused to look at Lance, and he still didn’t look at Lance when he began to speak.

“I saw on the log that you had been a lot more training lately. But when I couldn’t figure when in the day you were doing this much training, I realized you weren’t doing it in the day but the night, when you should be sleeping I might add.” He still wouldn’t look at Lance.

Lance began to shrink on himself, and began meekly “Coran…”

“You know, before Altea fell, I had a family.” That was more of a shock to everyone then it should have been. “I had a wife and I had a son, both of whom I loved very much. My son was Vedro. My Vedro was so lively, so full of passion and fire. Oh, the temper on that boy, which I guess was warranted considering he grew up in the middle of a war,” he paused.

“I found them, or rather their bodies, on the floor of our home. My Estra and my Vedro were dead because no one was looking after them, because I wasn’t looking after them. Everyone I loved has died, and I’m still here. I need to believe there is a reason I’m still here or I feel that I won’t be for here much longer.” He finally looked at Lance, eyes misty, “You remind me of my Vedro.”

He was finished wrapping Lance’s wrist. “It wasn’t broken, just sprained. It sounded worse than it was.”

With that Coran left.

Lance stopped training when no one was around. He didn’t stop training, he just made sure someone was there, under the guise that he wanted to show them something. However, most of the time that weren’t paying attention or just left after a while because they had better thing to do than watch as Lance tries to show off, Pidge and Hunk versus Shiro and Allura.

_The only person he thinks would worry about him is Coran. He’s lost so much he can’t bear to hurt the only person that thinks he worthy of being saved. That’s the only thing that’s keeping him from actively killing himself. But if something was about to kill him he wouldn’t flinch._

 


	13. The One With Panic

  _The paladins looked at each other._

_There was silence. They were in shock._

_How could someone so happy be so sad?_

_How did they not notice?_

_Why didn’t they notice?_

_Blue answered, though none of them voiced their questions._

_“He loves all of you, but he doesn’t think he should be loved. He tried, but this is not your fault.”_

_“The hell it’s not,” pidge snapped._

_“Pid-,” Shiro tried._

_“No! I’m supposed to be the genius, I’m supposed to have been able to help him.  I should have seen it.”_

_“What exactly should you have seen? What should you have realized that the rest of you didn’t,” Blue questioned softly. “Don’t forget Green One, you are a child as well. You all are, even if you are of age Shiro, you are children. Thrown into a war you had nothing to do with you. Yet you stayed, and you fought, and you almost die.  All for a war that started as your species was learning the art of fire. You didn’t have to stay but you did. You stayed.”_

_“We had to. The Galra would have-,” Shiro tried but Blue spoke again._

_“Yes, but that could have been left to the authorities. If I had known how the ages on your planet worked I wouldn’t have chosen him. But he had so much light and compassion, such things are needed in wars. He seemed so much older, by the Altean’s standards you would have been older. That is my fault. And what followed was not yours.” She looked off wistfully, “If I had known I could have changed things.”_

_“Do you think it would have helped Lance?” Keith wondered aloud._

_“He wouldn’t be almost killed every day.”_

_“He would have to deal with Iverson, the mentally abusive asshole. And not just Iverson, but the whole garrison._

_Do you know what the garrison was training us for? We thought it was rescue missions and cargo ships. No, they were training us to fight for war. To fight and to die. They didn’t say it, but it was understood by the end. When people realized they said it was for honor, to serve our homes, our countries. What they never mentioned was what happened when the mission went wrong. God, I don’t think anyone wanted to admit it.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“I looked into it when Shiro disappeared, what the protocol was. It’s to leave them to rot, that what they did was of their own accord. It’s protocol to leave them to die. And if they don’t, well then, they make sure they are. We thought we were gonna save the world.” They weren’t used to Keith sounding so defeated._

_They all stood there in silence while, then the walls changed._

It was in the training room. They were all there, but they only now noticed the bags under his eyes. He was laughing and smiling like ha normally was. That was until he got into an argument with Keith about his hair.

“I mean really dude, you could at least try.”

“Why does what I look like mean so much to you.”

“Well I, I. you see I,” Lance tried.

“You finally got him to stop talking. Thank whatever god is out there.” Pidge laughed.

Lance’s eyes flashed with hurt for just a second, and flicked to Hunk only to see him laughing too. He pouted and shuffled off to his position when Shiro told him to be serious.

Time skipped to the middle.  The sim was in full swing.

Lance was in the rafters somewhere shooting down the gladiators the others were fighting on the ground. All was going well, and that was why it went wrong.

Lance was in position, hiding in the background, helping, protecting. That’s what he did best. That was until his hand was spasming.

“Guys, somethings wrong,” Lance tried over the coms.

“Stop joking around Lance,” Pidge groaned.

“No, really. Something is really wrong with my hand.”

“Now isn’t the time,” Shiro reprimanded.

“Guys!” Lance yelled, but then they muted him. All was fine for a few minutes. And again, it all went wrong.

For several long minutes Lance was trying to stop his hand with no luck. His breath was shaky, and he could feel the sweat dripping down his forehead.  His hand went from spasming to both of them shacking.  All he felt was panic, pure panic. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think. He couldn’t do the one thing he was meant to, the one thing that made him worthy of being on the team, and he was losing that.

The only thing he could do was stare at his hand. He looked up when he heard Keith yell, followed by pidge yelling Keith’s name. Keith got hurt.

“End training sequence!” Allura hollered in anger. Lanced winced

Lance stayed on his platform, half in fear half because he couldn’t feel his legs.

“What the quiznat was that lance? Did you think this wasn’t important enough to pay attention? Why couldn’t you just pay attention?” Allura yelled up at him.

 “Or were you just trying to let Keith get hurt out of spite.” Lance blinked at that as tears streamed down his face. “I expected more from you.” She stormed off, as did Pidge as she helped Keith to the med bay. Shiro just let out a sigh of disappointment and walked out with Hunk.

Lance was the only one left in the room, alone with the knowledge he failed to protect the person he cares about. Lance’s hands were starting to steady as he stood on wobbly legs. He would apologize to Keith later.  He was about to get down when he lost his balance and fell to the ground level with a crash.

The paladins watched in horror as they saw lance make the 10-foot drop. They became even more worried when lance didn’t get up. Couldn’t get up. He moved onto his back; he just laid there and looked to be staring up to the ceiling. He moved his hands in front of his face.

He was still crying, and his hands were still shaking, but he did manage to prop his back against the wall, and that’s when they saw the blood. A headwound. Lance saw it too, and laughed a little. Then he rested his head and closed his eyes.

He didn’t come out of his room for 2 days afterwards. They thought he was pouting, but now they know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry and I'm gonna try to update more.


	14. The One With Background Noise

_They all just stood there in shock._

_That seemed to be happening a lot lately._

_How could they have just left him, he tried and they hurt him. They always did, and he never said a thing._

_What had they done?_

_Then one by one they fell; Hunk in tears, Pidge leaning against him, Shiro was lost in his own head, and Keith, oh Keith, he hell to his hands and knees and Blue’s paws._

_“Why does he not hate us?”_

_Blue knelt her head and nudged his, causing him to look at her._

_“He loves you.” Then she laid down in front of him and let him cry into the fur of her neck._

_After a while they seemed the couch had appeared and they all gravitated towards it._

_And there they sat. All in silence, all staring blankly at the floor._

_Now Blue knew they were all reeling, as they probably should be, the part of her that wanted them to hurt for hurting her Lance, but she was getting concerned. This seemed to be the straw they broke the camel’s back, as Lance would say. That seemed to … bother her. Lance must have been rubbing off on her, she thought with a smile._

_But back to the point, she looked at them again and smiled. They seemed to have fallen asleep, as emotionally taxing as the ‘day’ had been she wasn’t surprised. She went to them to put a blanket on them when she noticed one wasn’t asleep._

_Keith was still just staring. “You should sleep, Red,” but he just looked up at her gentle tone, then looked down. She laid down next to where he sat and put one of her paws on his lap. He looked at her again and she headbutted his arm softly. He looked at her skeptically and slowly raised his arm to pat her head. She gave a look of a cross between annoyed and fond. She leaned down and licked his hand. He flinched, and she put her head under his hand. He then stated to pet the lion’s head. She purred and put her head on his lap._

_With that bit of comfort, he started to nod off, but not without asking “Why are you being nice to me? I hurt him, I didn’t mean to, but I did.”_

_“The fact that you realize that proves that your learning.” Keith fell asleep with a small smile on his lips and a lion's head on his lap._

* * *

 

While the paladins slept after the hell they’d seen, Allura and Coran were still working tirelessly to find their friends. Well, more precisely what happened to their minds. Once they landed they found the bodies of Shiro, Keith, Hunk, and Pidge all around Lance.  Lance looked like he normally would, except he looked like he was having a nightmare. The others looked much worse, all pale, unmoving and basically dead.

That was until they looked into their eyes for any sign of life. All of their eyes were glowing a sort blue. This wasn’t normal was it? The 2 of them brought their friends to the ship, where they were scanned. All of them except Lance were reported dead, or at least their bodies were. Their minds still showed normal activity.

Now what that meant, the Alteans didn’t know. how their friends were both dead but also not, and what that had to do with Lance. Why was he the opposite, mind in a coma but the rest of him functioning normally.

There was one thing they all had in common, they all had elevated levels of quintessence, though it had a unique signature that Coran had never seen before.

 

* * *

 

  _Now in the time it had taken to find, retrieve, and diagnose the paladins, it had been about a varga. However, for the others it had felt like days to get to this point. Blue was growing more worried by the moment. Humans, though the most resilient creatures she had ever met where their minds were concerned, could only take so much._

_Not only that but they were separated from their bodies by_ Hagger _. Where she was involved surely no good could follow. Not only for the them but for her Lance. The thought of him getting hurt be of someone the lions, someone she had trusted. It broke her heart to see how far Honerva had fallen. How far Zarkon had fallen. They trusted them, and it nearly destroyed everything, and she hadn’t trusted anyone since. Well not since Lance, at least. Not since he, in his own endearing way, tried to take her shield down by knocking._

_She had watched the humans for millenniums, and they had seen her from time to time; she almost let some in before, but they never felt right. They felt like her paladin, like her Lance. she couldn’t place it but maybe it was the fact he was the first to knock. The truth was she didn’t know why she chose him, but she did. She was glad she did. He influenced her. He amused her, he cared for her, made her feel alive._

_She understood that she was a robot carved from a magic rock, and should be a lion to be controlled. But Lance mad an effort to make sure she was alive: he talked to her, told her stories, spent time just sitting with her, and he would wash and buff out the dents after battle. The most important thing was that he listened to her. She wasn’t very good at communicating but she would give nudges, whispers, and he took what she said into consideration. They had a back and forth, a connection. Something she hadn’t had in so long, and neither did he, maybe that’s why they worked. The lost and the lonely. The one’s who forgot how to live._

_Except he was getting better. He’s starting to remember how to live and not just survive. She also thinks she knows why. She glanced at the people on the couch, the people her cub depends on. The people that hurt him, yet they’re also the people who saved him. From himself, and the world. Though Red’s cub has an odd effect on her cub. He caused a spark to fly or go out, whether he realized it or not he had a large effect on her cub. She pitied the poor boy.  He kept everyone at arm’s length afraid to be left again. Red and blue both alone yet they react so differently._

_How ironic that red be so cold and blue so warm._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry


	15. The One With Lance

Lance was floating, that was what he could figure out at this point. He was cold, and he was alone. He was always alone. 

It was oddly comforting and peaceful but distressing all at the same time. He was just floating in the darkness, one that was so… familiar. It was the constant in his life: in all of his problems, in all the death, the disappointment others had in him, in all the loss, in all the pain the darkness in his mind was the only thing he could rely on. The darkness and his solitude.

It was in that darkness he felt almost safe. The darkness does not judge. It does not yell. It has never hurt him. Not like the people. It does not leave.

They left him. They hurt him. But he couldn’t help but care about them, he couldn’t help but want to protect them, even if they didn’t need him. They all had someone, and he was the extra part. The darkness was fitting for him. He _was_ the extra wheel.

He was content to be left alone in the dark silence. Then he heard the sound again. The one that reminded him of home.

“Haley?” the light started to shine. It was too bright to keep his eyes opened.

When he opened them, he saw her. His first responsibility. The one he failed. He looked at her from where he was standing, then fell to his knees. He was sobbing, babbling about how sorry he was, and that he should have protected her better. He just kept apologizing, that she could never know how sorry he was. He should have stayed.  He opened his eyes to find she was no longer there.

She had been replaced by Mari. Then Blue, in the blink on an eye. Then Keith, and on him it stayed.

This Not-Keith, his mind’s Keith, the Keith that Lance knew couldn’t be the real one because of what he did, because he was smiling at Lance.  The Not-Keith was smiling down at Lance. A sweet gentle smile that made his insides flutter in that stupid way they did when Keith was looking cute. This Keith bent on one knee to pull Lance from his knees. Then he held Lance, the way Lance always wanted to be held. Like he would never be let go.

But this, this wasn’t how he wanted it. He pulled back to see his violet eyes, that were softer than ever, and just stared. How he wished they were just a bit harder, a little stiffer, or he was just waring that damn smirk then, then Lance could actually believe that this was Keith. But he couldn’t.  he just couldn’t.

The Not-Keith looked at him and took a small step back. Not-Keith side stepped to turn Lance to his right, where he saw the other paladins. He would have though he was dreaming, but when he was dreaming the other were always mad, disappointed, hurt or dying.  But know they looked sad. They never looked sad. He looked at Not-Keith to see if he had any insight, but he just looked at him with his soft eyes.

Lance looked back at his friends who, he could see as he walked closer, were with a blue lion. His lion, his Blue. She always knew, always made him smile, never let him hide behind his smile. God, did he love her. She was the one who understood him. Where his old medication used to make him feel nothing, she made him feel alive.

Closer still he went where he could see them, they seemed to be moving in fast-forward: moving, talking, crying, until eventually they stopped. Then looked to be sleeping, and he could see his Blue resting her head on another Keith’s lap. He looked back to his Not-Keith, but he still had that same not Keith look. Lance couldn’t put his finger on it, he thinks it was the smile, or the eyes. Both were…off.

When Lance looked back of the scene, Blue was gone. He breath caught and he looked around in a panic, where could she have gone? Before he could go into more of a panic a large blue thing entered his peripheral vision and then he was knocked down. A large tongue started to lick his face, while he started laughing. It went on for several minutes where they were just being in each other’s company.

She eventually got off of him to let him sit up but she didn’t go far, nor did he want her to.

“Oh Lance, I’ve never been so happy to see you.”

“Same mi Azul, I’ve missed you. My brain feels like it’s been through a blender and back. Any idea what that means?”

What do you remember?” Blue asked hesitantly.

“Well, we were on a mission, I got cornered, and then nothing. Oh shit, am I dead? Sophie is going to kill me if I died.”

“You haven’t died Cub, you are basically in what humans call a coma. You’ll wake up once things have run their course.”

“What do you mean ‘run their course.’ What happened to me? Why am I in a coma, why are they here, what did this to me, wh-”

“Slow down Cub, your worse than an actual Cub who’s learned the word ‘why.”’ Blue said patiently and maternally. “All will be reviled momentarily so take a breath.”

Lance just sat there and breathed like he was told to. He would do it if Blue told him to. She helped him, her being there helped, made him feel somewhat safer in where ever they were. As if reading his thoughts, she was good at that, she said “We’re in a different plane of existence, Cub. One hidden from most, but even then, it can be most difficult to get out.”

“Where exactly are we.”

“The very place you try to escape from. The world inside your head.”

Lance reeled back in shock and disbelief, but with an earie calmness asked “Why are _they_ here? Who put them here?”

“You already know Cub.”

“ _Hager,”_ the name burned him as he said it. 

“She wanted to destroy you, make you cut yourself or your friends on those sharp edges you try to hide. But she underestimated you. She looked and saw your past, your scars, and your doubts, and she saw weakness. She mistook your love for weakness. She was **wrong**.” Blue growled at the thought, her Lance, her cub, weak, unfeasible.

Lance just looked at her in awe, then did the last thing either of them were expecting him to do, he started to laugh. A bubbly, joyous, childish laugh at had him gasping for breath.

He decided something in at that moment, with blue in his corner, he could do anything. Just as long as he had her. He knew it would destroy him for good if she ever stopped, and like hell he would ever let her go.

Blue had started to join his laughter, confused but happy to see her little one smiling, when a bright light washed over everything. 

* * *

 

Elsewhere Coran was running around the bodies of the paladins, a frantic beeping sounding from all around. He ran to the control panel and called Allura, “Princess I need you down here, immediately.”

Unbeknownst to him the ‘bodies’ behind him were starting to move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi  
> i'm sorry  
> i vented a little, cannon lion switches made me mad, or at least the way it happened, thus this is what happens when i re-watch shows.

**Author's Note:**

> I am new at this so I am sorry if there are errors and if the format is off. I will try to update as much as possible, and I'm not sure how long this will be so please leave me constructive criticism. I hoped you liked the story. I own nothing.


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